OMG It Blinks

They’ve built the world’s most expensive Disneyland ride character, the Geminoid DK. It’s an ultra realistic robot clone, and it’s going to kill you creep you out.

This guest post was written by Mark Hurley of the blog Scumbag Style. Mark is a grade-A, certified scumbag, with many years experience. He is working as a freelance writer, and you can also find him lurking through the back alleys of Twitter.

Everyone who gets their offensiveness on at my regular site is most likely concerned about the downright clinical paranoid undertones concerning the coming robotapocalypse. It’s like those people who are terrified of dying to the point of paralysis, even though it is an absolute inevitability, and everyone around them has resigned themselves to it. No matter how you try, you can’t come to terms with it. It’s coming and it’s coming fast. They have robots that can blow you, and robots that, while not specifically designed to, will blow you up if it decides to. They have robots, man, designed—frigging designed—to eat dead humans for sustenance, because there’s no way that will come back and bite you in the ass. God damned literally. Our own president has already warned us about it. In pimping his Educate to Innovate campaign, he was quoted as saying, “As President, I believe that robotics can inspire young people to pursue science and engineering. And I also want to keep an eye on those robots in case they try anything.” But we didn’t listen, and I’m afraid it’s too late. The price will be the species.

And then there’s this thing. Friends and admirers sent me links to this thinking it would be funny if I peed my pants right where I sat. Well, guess what. Joke’s on you.

Congratulations. You’ve built the world’s most expensive Disneyland ride character. Beardy McTeeshirt’s Community College Raft Adventure. Seriously, you have really taken out the balls and succeeded in freaking out that one guy’s dog with that soulless smile at 00:17. This was a real leap in movie makeup magic, Jim “Studly” Cameron, but until the AI catches up to our ability to make really special animatronic eyebrows, I think I’ll keep the Depends in reserve for the dead human eater.

Not to change the subject, but do you think the guy that robot is based on has had sexwith ‘himself’ yet? Or do you think he went straight to tricking his wife into it? Those are the difficult questions you have to ask yourself when you’re a super genius robotengineer.

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